by - 3:39:00 PM

Recently I can't help to notice that despite how comfortable home is and how familiar everything is, nothing feels the same.

I guess I've expected this because everyone said things would be different after I leave. Coping with change has never been my forte. How easy would it be if I could walk into a changing room in a store and just change in sync with every one else. How easy would it be if I could adapt to all the changes happening.

It feels terribly screwed up at times when you walk into a place supposedly filled with love and all you feel is loneliness. When you see your closest friends whom you used to see everyday but now feels so distant. When you talk and you feel like no one cares, or even listen to anything you say. Yes it feels extremely screwed up.

Then again, who can I blame ? It's not like things can stop changing. It was just me, naively believing in forever and always and now I'm lost in this whirlpool called change. I feel like I'm living in the middle of multiple worlds and I'm like a lalang (a kind of wild grass), constantly swaying from one world to another and everytime the wind changes its direction, I need to adapt to the changes of another new world.

I just want to get over this as soon as possible and this time if I fall, I'm supporting myself and getting myself back up. Trusting on someone else to have my back, maybe isn't as reliable as I hoped.

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