Friday, January 20

Learning to let go.

I've always hated the word "let go". 

Which is why I still have Disney magazines I read when I was 11 hidden in my cupboard somewhere, notebooks that are at least 10 years old, old pictures, letters, even pencil lead cases (I'm serious, I actually keep those in case they stop production or something, then I have something to hang on to wtf i know)

The uncertainty of life makes me want to hang on to everything. I'm even considering buying all the Disney movies on DVD so that my future kids can watch, and also learn how to make kompiang in case no on else in Sitiawan ends up inheriting the business. I hate changes in my life, and I hate having to let go of something and continue life without it. 

But then again, recently I have been thinking. If there were no changes at all, I would have such a boring life. I will never get to meet new people because I stick to my old friends, I will never get to leave Sitiawan and will eat kompiangs while I watch Lion King and Spongebob for the rest of my life :O That would be so boring. My life would be so dull, nothing new will ever happen.

Ok fine, I'm writing this with a particular person in mind but then I made it into a whole general thing because I think I should be throwing all my old pencil lead cases instead of worrying whether buncho will go bankrupt or not. 

Whether you want it or not, life changes, feelings change, people change. Its inevitable. Which is why i've finally come to realize, why letting go and moving on is so important. 

Once, I convinced myself, things wouldn't change, feelings wouldn't change. It would be like this until, idk, until I want it to end ? But now looking back I'm laughing at how foolish I've been. How many times must I go through this before I actually learn ? There are so many things out there I've yet to see, so many people I've yet met. 

You once asked "What if something weird happens and we don't talk anymore?" Well, I guess now you have your answer.

Even though it has ended up like this, I'm still grateful I met this certain someone. Funny how in the middle of SPM I had so much time to be thinking of everything else other than my studies. Friends to not on talking terms, the sudden change is pretty upsetting, but that's life isn't it ? You just have to put the past behind you and actually look forward. 

I'm not just learning to let go of feelings or a person, but also things I've found hard to let go of. School, band, pencil lead cases (dafuq).

So yes, a new year, a fresh start. Time to let go of old things and open my eyes to new beginnings.


Condolences to friends who has just lost their family members, 
condolences to 2PM's Junsu too, for the loss of his father. 
May they RIP.