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Sunday, January 9

Lack of confidence.

My iphone just crashed and I am feeling emo today but heck, we should still give thanks for God created men who created the iphone.

So recently everyone is focusing on SPM, on what they're going to be in the future, on what they're going to be, how much they're gonna earn. I have a friend who is already listening to some air traffic already, feeding his love to become a pilot. *faints*
Everyone has in mind what they're going to be, where they will be in 10 years time and me ? I'm stuck with nothing.

Of course I can picture myself 10 years later. I'll be married to Lee Taemin and we will have very cute babies who sing and dance as well as their dad.

So you see, I am pretty blank. How do people know what to do ? How do they decide their favourite subject ? Cos mine varies according to my teacher.
I would say I love addmaths, and the first thing I think of is actuarial science. and it sounds sien to me. I like stuff with colours, so I thought of designing, but no steady income.

I'm not only talking about career wise. What about basic skills ?

I can't cook. The only thing I do best is cut onions cos my mum makes me do that ALL the time.
Well I can always live on instant noodles but I'll probably die of brain tumor due to too much artificial stuff 20 years later so forget it.

I've never had a job. Most of the people I know have had jobs before. Waitressing, sales etc etc, even people younger than me ! Just yesterday I saw this kid around age 7 or 8 helping out his mother at a restaurant and I was like "Shit what am I doing at the age of 17?"

I don't have the guts. I may sound confident and loud around my friends but facing other people ? I'm a chicken.
I freak out when someone says "on stage" even though I've always performed on stage when I was young. I tremble even when talking to people I don't really know and most of all I think im paranoid HOW DO PEOPLE GO FOR JOB INTERVIEWS ONE ? THEY NOT SCARED ONE MEH ?


Lack of leadership. I am definitely NOT a leader.
Like during band practices, I as a conductor, should be leading the music or something but most of the time, I'm thinking about why I was chosen. I can randomly point out a dude who's music is WAY BETTER than mine, why me ? When I find confidence and I make a mistake and someone sneers/laugh, I will fall back to the hole of un-confidence again. Even watching my friend plan for Interact Carnival, I'm like "WHAT THE HECK HOW HE DO ONE I DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING" and I'm gonna be planning for IU night. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?? T____T

My older sister just came back from volunteer work in South Africa. She has a no salary job working for Thankyou water which sales bottled water and donates money to charity. She just got a paid job at 3 mobile and she is even thinking of applying for permit to perform by the streets. She has all these crazy things she wants to do and what am I left with ?

Of course I do have crazy things I want to do, but where do I start ? How do I start ? I suck at making my own choices.
When I'm out to dinner with my friends, I'll always ask them which is better and I choose according to what they pick SO YOU SEE.

I really do have zero confidence in my future or my dead iphone.
All I can do is work real hard starting now and surrender everything into God's hands. Lets hope for the best. :/

6 comments:

TikkoSS said...

ur the conductor and ur iphone crashed? .. didnt know ur conductor and sad to hear ur iphone crash

Hilda Milda™ said...

I've never work before too :s Maybe you can find something that has numbers and colours which I doubt if there is any hmm but don't let this lose your confidence! You can figure this out :D

Shuwen said...

@tikkoss yeah im the conductor of my school bad. its ok (:
@hilda thanks girl <3 <3

Yiwen said...

why are you worried about having no job experience now? if u'r gonna study here, job experience in s'wan is not gonna help u anyway.. job experience wait til u start uni only talk about it. cooking as well, wait til u come to aus only learn how to cook la. it only takes a week of intense learning to know how to cook u know? for now just appreciate and enjoy ur mum's cooking. a little tip- helping her cut onions/other stuff actually makes learning cooking easier for u next time.

and dont worry, every single person has gone through this phase in life. u know why do i sign up for all those volunteering shits and decide to go alone although i'm scared? thats the point- because i'm scared. that's why i force myself and put myself in uncomfortable situations so that i can learn how to communicate with strangers (when i have absolutely no choice but to communicate with them, eg being stuck in Adelaide build trip with 10 other strangers) and boost my self-confidence.

any leaders appointed are annointed. so start thinking how u can help the band instead of thinking why u'r chosen. i bet many ppl are dying to be in ur position so do them a favour and enjoy urself.

about ur career path, i'd say give urself more time to think about that. u have 11 subs now and one more year to go. during the year when u study, try finding out which subs u like studying for/which u dont. if u eliminate one by one ur choice will be clearer by end of the year. plus to do foundation studies in melb u just need to know whether u like business or science, and then u got one more year to think.

dont stress about all these too much, too young to think. enjoy the last year of ur sec sch, you'll miss it.

sydney said...

I've never got a job either! And I'm gonna work in Tesco I'm sooooo worried LOL

I think I'm in the same situation with you. I wanna try new things but always fear to do it!

yea as Yiwen said, you should left those worries behind first and concentrate on your last year in high school :)

Anonymous said...

Jia you Suwen