Self Confidence.

by - 11:45:00 PM

Recently, someone i dont know googled "they say im too ugly and shapeless.and that's really bother me cause i know.what can i do about that?" and found my blog. Funny but true.

Coincidentally, someone said I was ugly, shapeless and FAT recently.
I've never once denied i was fat,
but you know what, i'm happy the way i am.

I was once the fat little kid everyone mocked and laughed at.
During kindergarten I had no friends, except for my cousin who was equally fat, equally shapeless and equally ugly.
All the other girls were petite and they wore pretty little dresses to school. I had tons of pretty little dresses too. But all of em made me look fatter.
I even told my mum I wanted to be a boy once cos wearing pants make me look a tiny bit skinnier. Even the guy whom I secretly admired since I was 5 (yeah i know) called me zhuwen. That means pigwen. The name sort of stuck to me and till now that guy is still calling me that.

I used to feel offended, I used to cry, I used to throw tantrums when people laughed at me or gave me weird nicknames. I even had nicknames like shu neng neng, wtf sounds so obscene but yeah, i dont know where that came from.
I had ZERO self confidence.
During PE, I refused to change into my PE shirt cos if i change I have to actually wear short shorts that are above my knee, and my thighs are REALLY fat at that time.
Believe or not, I skipped PE for 2 years. Standard 5 and 6 LOL.

I slimmed down a little, and sort of grew a little, so boys starting liking me and stuff like that, and yeah, being liked for the first time is a really good feeling.
From that day onwards I'm constantly on diet, just to look good in front of people.
I strain myself from my one true love, chocolate, just to stay at a good 48 kg.
I thought, guys don't really go for fat girls and if guys don't go for you, you'll be less popular and you'll lose out on alot.
Trying to live up to their expectations wasn't easy, since my hobby is eating and I have a very big appetite.

But now, up to this day, I must say, all those dieting was just a waste of time.
I missed out TONS of food which I could've enjoyed.
Yes, I may be still ugly and fat but at least i have self confidence.
and confidence triumphs over pretty and skinny.
Right now, when people call me zhuwen, I don't feel insulted, I take it as a joke, because no matter what they think of me, the most important thing is, I don't think i'm a useless fat lump of protoplasm.
But if you really think you're shapeless and you really NEED shape,
go try drinking papaya juice / use a hoolahoop. :)

Recently when that person who talked behind my back said i'm ugly and shapeless, this random guy i dont really know who added me on facebook sent me a msg saying
"i was searching through random updates on my homepage and saw yours today. I think you're beautiful; perfect! don't let anyone ever say anything otherwise. :)"
There are many wonderful people out there who would love you for who you are and not just cos you're size 0 and have big eyes with long eyelashes.

Never let people who mock you bring you down.
If you're losing weight for a guy, its totally not worth it.
Cos IF he ever likes you, it would be cos of your looks and not for who you are. Why do you need people like these in your lives ?
Be proud of who you are because

Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter

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