On the first day we were supposed to head to work on our own, I led the team, but due to some closed off tram lines, we got lost and ended up taking a taxi to work. I felt apologetic for the lack of planning and looking into routes before we left, but only when we were lost, I found out that one of the people in our team knew which bus to take. However due to some miscommunication, he wasn't clear on stating he knew the way, so it was all a huge havoc.
I was feeling rather bad for all of it, but when we arrived at the hospital, all I felt was anger.
Because in front of the NGO leader, I was blatantly blamed for it. Of course I couldn't have escaped the blame, but I didn't think it was entirely my fault. If there was actually communication, I am sure that none of that could've happened. So in my defence, I tried to explain and someone said "I didn't understand you." Damn right, I didn't understand you either. And which was why I felt that communication was the fault. And that meant the blame didn't fall on one person but on the fault that none of us seem to be communicating.
As I was wallowing in my hurt, I felt prompted to apologize anyway (The Holy Spirit always does this to me, making me apologize even when I feel wronged / hurt. Y U DO THIS TO ME). That was the end of the unhappy episode and surprisingly every time I apologize I feel much better. Like a simple "sorry" from myself can make me forgive everything someone else has done.
The next morning, I decided not to interfere in leading the way anymore. So I followed, and it was quite a happy occasion cos we thought we were gonna be very early. When we got stuck in the middle of nowhere in the snow, a check with my Google maps found out that we were supposed to go to another city which has an exact street name and street number.
I was angry, cold and disappointed. I felt the impulse to say "I don't know, ____ led us here" when my manager called. I wanted to push the blame and let the authorities know that it has nothing to do with me but I thank God that I wasn't brought up or taught that way. The fact is, it has everything to do with everyone. Everyone should've paid more attention on where we were going and how we are going to get there, everyone had the responsibility of finding our way there. If I had blamed the person who led us, I would've done exactly what he did to me just a day ago and nobody deserves to feel that way.
Being in Poland has really challenged me in so many areas, yet I am thankful and feeling blessed that Jesus is giving me this opportunity to grow, stretching me in areas of my life that has never been stretched. This week I learnt a lesson on blame. If everyone who did wrong were to be blamed entirely, Jesus would never have to die on the cross. If everyone who was hurt holds on to unforgiveness, we would never have been forgiven for our sins in the first place.
"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
-- 1 John 4:11